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Feel It to Heal It!

Soul, the Therapist.

October 20, 2015


By Niloo Farmani

I remember so vividly it was a winter afternoon. I was driving home after a long day at work, sitting in traffic and tired. My last relationship had come to an end just a few weeks prior. I was speaking to my friend on the phone. She was telling me about her new relationship and how happy she was. How well he treats her and how much fun they have together.

As I was listening to her a feeling was coming over me. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling but I wanted to get off the phone. When I finally got home and got off the phone I wondered why I have this weird, yucky feeling of not liking myself, then I realized I am jealous. I thought "Oh my god I am being jealous. How horrible of me? How horrible am I that I can’t be happy for my friend?” I felt disgusted by myself but I couldn’t shake off the feeling. The more I didn’t want to be jealous the more it was still there making me dislike myself.

Normally if something like this happened in the past I wouldn’t know what to do, I’d either watch TV or eat something or surf the web and keep doing it until something distracted me. But at this point in my life I had been taking classes with Siri Gian and had been practicing listening to my Soul. Amongst my thoughts I remembered the words of Yogi Bhajan; when your emotions are turning in to commotion “Bolt your butt to the matt.”

I sat down and did heart breath and Soul said to let everything come up. Allow yourself to really feel everything you are feeling without hating yourself or judging yourself as bad. Feeling is not bad, it is what you end up doing with it, your behavior (usually when feeling is not processed) that can be hurtful to yourself or others.

It may sound odd but I just sat on my meditation cushion with a journal and literally told myself “ok let’s see what is in there. How much of this nasty feeling is in there, let it all come up”. I literally sat there and felt it and whatever came up I wrote it down, unfiltered. As the nasty thoughts of jealousy and shame poured out in a few pages and as I did heart breath, the voice of Soul, the voice of that internal loving wisdom came up telling me it is ok to have this feeling, that I am not a horrible person to feel this, that I am just human. It was such a forgiving, loving feeling that it reminded me of the forgiveness through Christ’s love that Christians speak of.

This forgiveness was key because when I felt I wasn’t horrible for having this feeling and that I was human then I was able to look at the reasons behind the feeling which was an unmet desire for a loving relationship and fear of not ever having it. So I journaled while doing heart breath more. And kept asking myself questions as led by that loving wisdom of Soul: why are you afraid? etc. The important difference between journaling while feeling the emotion in the body and doing heart breath (as opposed to merely in your thoughts) is that you are letting the energy of the emotion pass through you.

E-motion is just energy in motion. And it can feel incredibly uncomfortable as it passes through. This is an example of jealousy and I chose this because I know jealousy is the most hated, shamed and unacceptable feeling and that is, if you are honest enough with yourself to recognize it because often times we are in denial about our jealousy especially if the object of jealousy is someone who is not so pleasant then we completely lose sight of our own jealousy and focus on the other person’s behavior.

Any uncomfortable emotions of Anger, Resentment, Fear, Anxiety, Sadness, Grief, Shame, Guilt, Apprehension, and even that uncomfortable emotion of too much Excitement that is borderline Anxiety. And even those emotions that we feel but can’t name.

All of them are energy with a message behind it. If we numb them (by drinking, eating, gossiping, anything that takes away from actually feeling them) then the energy stays in and who knows what it does inside but for sure next time comes up stronger and potentially more destructive. Think of Anger.

We are told it is not good to feel angry. But yet it is one of the emotions that can come up since toddlerhood. You are told not to have it but yet you have it and you are not taught what the hell to do with it. Eventually after repeatedly feeling the anger then hearing how bad you are and feeling ashamed of having it, anger becomes shame-bound. So every time you feel it you hate yourself so much that you either have to suppress it by numbing it or you can’t hold it in and you let that fire out by hurting someone and then hating yourself even more.

But here is the Soul way. Feel it to heal it! Feel the discomfort rise in your body, feel the physiological response (heart palpitations, sweating, etc.) and breathe through it and ask it why it is here. Know that you are not anger, but that this is one feeling amongst many passing through you. Journal it and keep going back to Soul. The first step is that this consciousness of Soul is self-forgiveness and self-acceptance. Go yell in your room as you are journaling, as the feeling of anger comes up, even shake your hands and feet and let it pass through. It will pass through. It will. And behind the energy passing through and the forgiveness lies the wisdom.

A great tool and road map for this processing of emotions is a book written by GuruMeher Khalsa “Emotions: Senses of the Soul”.  He describes seven heavy emotions, why they emerge and kundalini meditation tools of using breath and mudras to access neutrality while bringing up and sitting with our emotions to hear the wisdom behind them. He has online courses and individual coaching and they are incredibly insightful, not to mention a community that helps each other through the process.

Another recent discovery that has taken my self Soul therapy work to another level was watching Ted talks by a courageous woman named Brene Brown and reading her book “daring greatly". She is a PhD researcher who has found in her research of studying many, many people that those who live whole-heartedly and courageously are those who are willing to be vulnerable, know they are not perfect but yet worthy of love and belonging and sit with their feelings instead of numbing it. AKA bring Soul as the driver and therapist to the picture instead of getting lost in their emotions and acting reflexively from them. Research is taking us to Soul!

We need these tools and anyone else who has the courage to talk about this because here is the reality; as long as we are in this human body we are going to have all these emotions. And unprocessed emotions mixed with unrecognized self-hate that comes from them fuel hate and resentment towards others and behaviors such as addiction or abuse, bullying, revenge and even war which is rampant in our world. But if we can non-judgmentally feel the emotions and bring Soul in as the therapist who asks honest questions we can heal them so they won’t lead us to act and behave reflexively on them.

So KNOW that you are beyond your thoughts and emotions. There is a most unconditional loving wisdom inside your being that is the best mother, father, teacher, friend and therapist--your own Soul and Soul says: Feel it to heal it!

The great mystic poet Rumi said:

“This being human is a guest house. Every morning a new arrival. A joy, a depression, a meanness, some momentary awareness comes as an unexpected visitor. Welcome and entertain them all! Even if they are a crowd of sorrows, who violently sweep your house empty of its furniture, still, treat each guest honorably. He may be cleaning you out for some new delight. The dark though the shame, the malice. Meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for whatever comes because each has been sent as a guide from beyond.

May the humanity learn to feel their emotions and process it knowing they are forgiven for it. This will lead to a lot less violence, more compassion and more creative solutions for peace in our World.


Love, Acceptance, Peace


If you remember a few weeks ago, our second year Soul Answer Healing Student, Liv Avtar Kaur wrote about her great difficulties of growing up under male domination as she was healing from her most hurtful history.  Today, she has found such a great secret of Happiness!  That is that our own vibrations affect others reaction to us.  She is no longer a victim, but is now the gentle Victor and Healer.  Just read about the amazing magic that she has discovered.  Imagine what a world of peace and kindness we would have if at least half of us humans practiced this!  Try it for yourself.

“Today is quite busy with many tasks on my to do list, however my body does not feel tense or my mind is not spinning. Instead my body feels relaxed.  Again my Soul is allowing me to watch the energies that are bouncing all around me.  On one level I do feel part of it. The reason is that I'm in physical body moving in action throughout my day. On another level I do not feel part of the bouncing energy because Soul has me in neutral, watching as I move without too much energy projected from my mind.

“Instead, I am a calm, focused watcher playing with energy around me in a focused Soul perspective. Just now as I sit in Starbucks writing this and encounter different folks, what is occurring is a more non-judgmental focus, and a gentle nudge when met with an energy that causes reaction.  Soul reminds me to breathe and see the Soul while sending heart breath. .

“The feeling that I feel when encountering a negative vibe is the pain and suffering of the individual's own “video collection” (old painful emotional and thinking habits) and projection. It's not mine, it's not personal.

“So let me explain this better. When encountering a snide remark and look from a young lady, I felt her judgment of me.  But in a moment or two, when guided by Soul to do heart breath and send energy, what was revealed was that she is actually this judgmental and hard on herself.  So after a few moments of not looking at her but sending heart breath, she then smiled and softened the next time I looked at her. So this is just her video collection--her stuff.  Why should we react at all? Really!

“Soul is really helping me understand not to react at all but just breathe for a while; stand in my knowing and just breathe, and the energy dynamic will shift and the story will be re-written on the spot.  A new vibe, a new story for me and the individual if there is no resistance from either--just open the connection in neutrality. Like “I will love you even if you can’t love me so that you may feel better, or maybe soon you can.” The ultimate love is loving when there is nothing in return! No expectations. Just Love.

“So I believe I am beginning to see some of the dynamics or aspects of being a healer in this time and space. It is selfless, it is humble, but strong, and mostly it is selfless Love.

“Well, my Soul has me in neutral and learning and observing myself and my impact on others and myself by the vibe I carry.  Whooo!  Keeping up has taken on a whole new very practical meaning. We are Soul in active neutrality and heart breath.

Later in the day:

“Still practicing this awareness.  Later today when I felt my chest tighten, I noticed people were tense around me.  A few deep breaths with intention and guided by Soul, my heart relaxed.  I smiled and purposely spoke positive things to myself. Next thing, I witnessed people smiling at me and starting polite conversation. 

“Wow!  So my vibration is very important to watch because Soul has me noticing that my vibe affects others.

Peace Out Soul Family.

Love and Light to all of your hearts,

Liv Avtar Kaur

Thank you all for Being You and allowing me to be me more and more.



Childhood Loss of Soul #2

By Gian Kaur 


 Now today's article is another amazingly special one.  The author is a second year student of Soul Answer Healing.  Right now, they are taking my course called, "Resurrection" in which they are doing the "Breaking the Mask" meditation  for 40 days while in each of 4 weeks, they are discovering their mental conditioning that was developed from different areas of their life.  This conditioning serves to make us believe that our cultural conditioning is the truth from which we live.  Now although we build many worthwhile concepts and identities from these, this conditioning often obscures and breaks our natural connection and communication with Soul, our God Self that we had as young children.


So, after the students read the text that explains this process in more detail and they did their very powerful meditation, they were to let Soul show them their very innocent child self and then answer these 3 quiz questions from their own deep awareness so they could discover their own "Trances" or hypnotic habits of how they were trained to live their lives and the masks they had to develop in order to cope.

With her permission, here are Gian Kaur's answers to discovering these all-pervasive world views created in childhood, and how she has now moved into freeing up the very real Truth from Soul in her life.  Perhaps you would like to do this very same exercise yourself.



From Gian Kaur who grew up in the Middle East.

What was the result of your encounter with your most innocent and knowing Inner Child?

There are few things that I like to mention here: 

One is that I have never been allowed to speak up or stand up for myself, therefore I have no boundaries and am afraid of speaking of my mind. I suppress my feeling and emotion and I become a victim. 

Seconded is that I was always on the run, running away from my angry brother, running away from getting hurt, running away from getting abused, running away from a broken heart.  Even the time that my father wished to go somewhere so me & mom have to help him to get ready and there is no time for us to pack up and get ready.  We did not matter. It feels like we were on call 24/7, never feeling grounded and stable, instead always feeling worried & restless and rushing to make a decision without any pause.

And the third one is the one that I am getting into a little more.

From very early age, like 9 years old I was helping out my mother to keep our busy home in kind of an order and soon after, before I could even reach the stove top I took charge of taking care of food and shopping for my brothers during the summer time.  My aunt was supervising and we always had  a helper to take care of cleaning and details. However I was planning and shopping for each meal and making sure everything is made and ready on time & the way my brothers wanted it to be.  Otherwise they would get angry and pick on me and I would lose my position and not be able to stay home during the summer.  Instead I would have to travel with my parents, which was not fun since they were older and there was no freedom around my dad.  It was all about him and his needs and that's it.

These experiences left me feeling lonely, sad, have no choice, lots of pressure following orders, being worried and in the back of my mind I was always thinking how can I escape from there.

On the other hand I gained so much responsibility, discipline, and creativity.  I learned how to run the big house, keep it clean, organized, in good order, making sure the gardener & house keeper are doing their job right, always being involved in redecorating and choosing the colors in the house.  So I learned a lot about home & beauty in very early time in my life. Cutting the flowers from garden and placing them throughout the house and watering the garden twice a day was my job.  It was such a ritual for me now that I look back.

These all sound so wonderful and sweet but at the age of 9 to take on that much responsibility and the pressure of doing everything right and on time and making 3 angry men happy without making any mistakes--it's way too much & too hard, especially because they didn't know what they wanted & perhaps they didn't like the change and varieties that I was creating. I think I was so different from them from the day first! I saw the world around me differently and represented to them so innocently and purely and they bit the hell out of me and put me down and controlled me like an animal.

That's why I separated myself from them and traveled far and started my life all over again without their support as soon as I could and I never had a chance to go back. The interesting point in this journey is that I had to work so hard to please them then and I have to work so hard to make it on my own still.  Where is the resting point to relax a bit?!

However because of those challenges and experiences of my childhood I was able to represent myself in the real world as an adult so quickly, so strongly.  People rely on me & trust me with their families & homes.  They are comfortable giving me big responsibilities with their businesses & money (without any experience), they show me their love & respect without knowing my background and my family and they happily supported me with my art works at any stage of my life.  And most of all, they showed me what am I capable of and helped me to stay independent and believing in myself; something which was very important for me to hear from my own blood.

It's hard to build that self-esteem after all those put-downs. It's hard to gain self-confidence when you have been told not to speak your mind and not to express your feeling for the first 20-some years of your life. 

What did you find out about your interactions with your family and how those Trances automatically come into play in your current everyday life?

I had no voice, my mother always asked me to not say a word because we both may get punished especially when they were so unfair to us, that was her way to protecting us. We just have to be quiet and pray for that crazy moment to pass peacefully.  I usually got sick or got migraine attack and my sweet mother had to be worry about my health on top of it all.  Oh dear God, you made her so patient and compassionate.  

Many years passed but still today I am afraid to speak up and stand up for myself.  I would rather turn around and disappear or get sick and stay in bed for that time to pass.  It's the hardest thing for me to talk to my family members or even to other people when they are not fair to me.  I go in to my shell and become a victim, rather than facing them & speaking up, even for small matters. The fear of getting punished or abused and get hurt is still terrifying me, and shuts me down.  I am still afraid to speak of my truth. 

Being around the addictive father and angry brothers I learned to be quick and able to disappear and hide somewhere safe to cry my heart out, feeling helpless and weak. I always have to be ready for the unexpected never knowing the plan; just have to follow it spontaneously, no time to think or have an opinion about it. Always forced & rushed to a situation.  Never feel stable.  Even now after many years away from that environment I'm always in a rush and don't give myself a chance to get grounded & centered and see how I feel and what do I want. And if my husband or my co-worker are not acting as quick as I am, I think they are being slow and I take over and do myself. 

I become restless, anxious and stress out most of the time. I am so grateful for my spiritual practices because without it, God only knows where would I be! 

My sweet mother always took the blame for everything in our family so none of us would get in trouble or get in to the fight with another family member.  She always covered for us so we won't get hurt & she covered for me a lot being a little girl and innocent.  Or when I was a teenager she gave me some space & freedom and room to breathe, and I am always so thankful to her.  I think I was able to show her what am I made of and made her proud before she passed.

Obviously, the impact of their approval/disapproval had a big effect on me.  Even though I am aware of my talents & qualities I can see the lack of self-confidence and low self-esteem in me clearly as the result. 

Being judged--up to this day they are still judging me.  Even the records show that I have handled my life pretty good so far, but they always have something negative to say and that one thing, even if it’s not really valid takes me back as a helpless little girl looking for a place to hide and cry or getting sick and staying in bed. 

I'm more aware of my response these days and practice to rearrange my attitude by staying neutral and not to react.  In fact, Soul is taking me deeper and allowing me to release and let go.  None of those things matter anymore.  I live the way that its feels right to me without bothering anyone.  I have done enough.  It's time to relax and enjoy my life, love myself with all my strength & weaknesses. "God & me, me & God are one."

I don't have to bite my tongue & hide my feelings so they approve that I am a good girl.  Let's say there is no more HAVE TO, it's only LOVE TO! How about that!!!  Wow, this is so powerful. 

At last the fight in my family was handled in two different ways.  My mother handled it with her love & kindness and her way of protecting us was sweeping the problems under the rug and not to talk about it. My father and brothers were so neurotic and abusive and unfair. 

Soul is asking me to understand the depth of their actions and understandings, where they come from and forgive them deeply.  I don't need to follow their footsteps or be the victim of their reaction any more.  Soul is asking me to stay centered & grounded and trust your inner voice, your Higher Self.  Soul is telling me that You have polished & cleansed those unreal realities for so many years in so many ways.  "Let go, Let God."  Allow the light of your Soul to come out  and shine, enjoy being you and appreciate all your life lessons.  After all life is about the balance between holding on & letting go. Nirbhau Nirvair = Without Fear, With out Hate. 

What are the results of your Transformations regarding your family Masks/Trances?

I realized in my meditation that instead of rushing to do something or say something, PAUSE.  I try to be aware of this and before I get in to any trouble which leads me to become victim later, take responsibility and pause. There is no further running my life like a wild horse.  I can stop, breath and see how I feel about the situation before doing anything out of habit or someone’s approval. It's OK.  I am the master of my life now! 

In a loving, humble way I serve my Soul, not as a slave to my past and ego.

I can relax now that there is no family pressure and rules and regulation.  It's only me and my Soul.  I trust that and relax into it.  No judging or expectations, just BE you and do your best.

Wahe Guru. 


 Copyright:  Gian Kaur, Soul Answer, 2014, 


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Childhood Loss of Soul #1

By Liv Avtar Kaur 



#1, March 10, 2014


Today's article is very special.  The author is a second year student of Soul Answer Healing.  Right now, they are taking my course called, "Resurrection" in which they are doing the "Breaking the Mask"  for 40 days while in each of 4 weeks, they are discovering their mental conditioning that was developed from different areas of their life.  This conditioning serves to make us believe that our cultural conditioning is the truth from which we live.  Now although we build many worthwhile concepts and identities from these, this conditioning often obscures and breaks our natural connection and communication with Soul, our God Self that we had as young children.


So, after the students read the text that explains this process in more detail and they did their very powerful meditation, they were to let Soul show them their very innocent child self and then answer these 3 quiz questions from their own deep awareness so they could discover their own "Trances" or hypnotic habits of how they were trained to live their lives.  


With her permission, here are Liv Avtar's answers.  And next week, you will see Gian Kaur's answers to discovering these all pervasive world views created in childhood, and how these folks have now moved into freeing up the very real Truth from Soul in their lives.  Perhaps you would like to do this very same exercise yourself.




What was the result of your encounter with your most innocent and knowing Inner Child?


She knows her truth and always has. She was clear why she came and has viewed or witnessed her family through a very knowing eye and loving heart. As a child she is aware and a bit feeling like "Wow, I chose these people and I am here to bring all of this family unit into knowing and loving & forgiving one another."  As child I feel invincible and love able and the feeling that the whole world is a place of play, wonder and create.

She knew and played with all sorts of light beings & could see them & play with them.  She would see auras around people all the time, also she saw souls who lingered & beings not of this world.  She had no fear of this and felt natural communing with this dimension and went there often seated in her dark closet for privacy and contemplation & play.

Remembering times at Christmas where she actually met Santa Claus & had a full experience with him.  Also the Easter  bunny.  At one special Easter he appeared  and played with her for a long while. Remembering this man with a beard in glowing white that visited with her, too.

 I remember it very clearly even now. I remember feeling he was God and told my mother this, that Frito Bandito was God & she just rolled her eyes but I knew this soul and knew he was Oneness.  Later I realized after seeing a picture of Yogi Bhajan that this was who I saw. Well this was the only reference she had was this character she saw from TV because she had never seen a Sikh. And she knew it wasn't the white Jesus everyone else was talking about. Don't worry, she loved Jesus and felt him always, she would walk to church by herself to sit and commune with the lights there. Even though she wasn't Catholic she always knew all these lights were Oneness. They all came from the same place watching over her.

She was a bit surprised at the weight of time and space and the resistance experienced from her parents & adults, culture, schoolmates & such. She had difficulty in physical experience even breathing the air here on planet Earth. She knew very deeply the deep tragedy of this family dynamic and she came to be the light-play for these folks.  She was a bit naive in this undertaking.

She remembers watching the roles at play, watching and listening to conversations between adults, she would sometimes marvel at the lack of love and understanding. She heard deeply the pain and suffering.  She tried to be excellent at everything and be the light the love and the elevation. She grew weary overtime and began to fall asleep do to the weight and sheer magnitude of what she witnessed and felt through human experience.

She felt so overwhelmed once the entire dynamic revealed through parents, family and sibling actions and the experience of school, culture and societal pressures, she knew a deep sadness and loneliness and a feeling of separation from her cosmic family.

 She did have full awareness of her special role of enlightenment for others.  She came as a light and teacher/healer. She has always been this and came here on a special mission of her growth through this density and remembrance of her absolute Divinity. She came as woman to rise in this special time to balance the female male polarities. She had to choose this Dynamic through this particular time and space to experience the pressure and revelation and Rise into her full manifestation as Adi Shakti in this time and space for she has done this many times before in different ways and as different people.



What did you find out about your interactions with your family and how those Trances automatically come into play in your current everyday life?


While in trance all these years of forgetting the mission, my truth, the reasons for being the trances were a repeating pattern of Male dominance and girls are subjected to the whims and beliefs and fancies of men. My experience has been reflected back to me--birthing into a Dominate Male Italian culture and society, TV, very strict private schools. So much male dominate structure.

Family trances played out this way.

Males are worshipped and can do no wrong. We are not to question their authority. Do as we are told. Get married. Clean the house, cook.  Do not complain or else. Speak when spoken too. Have babies and serve them without question, be a good Catholic. Keep family dynamics to ourselves. Never speak of the horrors or abuse or crimes that take place. Protect the family at the cost of our own soul & sanity.

Serve without question, by God do what you are expected to do or be cut off from everyone. Well I tried to escape but the family sent men after me and arrived at a roommate's house with guns and took me home and threatened these guys within an inch of their lives.

I was taken by gunpoint from a dinner date one time because I chose this guy and my family didn't.

These trances up to date are the way my Everyday Self (ego, emotions, memories, Trances, etc.) has engaged in the role of victimhood.

Staying in non-loving non-respectful, abusive relationships with men for long periods of time--20 yrs and 10 yrs. Also with women pertaining to friendships and work relationships.

  • Feeling I'm not good enough to deserve respect, love and faithfulness. I had to work at it really hard, fix everything and everyone. No job to big or small at the sacrifice of myself to the point I didn't know who I was anymore, just a mechanical human going through the everyday motions with no joy or love or feeling like this is great, this is me, I'm living my dream. Nope, always someone else's idea of what I should look like, act like, speak like and do for a living.
  • Feeling I had to give everything with wild abandon to even begin to be loved. Shocked when the effort or love wasn't returned.  It was taken and thrown away. Have felt disposable.
  • I had to be perfect, work really hard. Don't trust anyone outside family for fear of being hurt or betrayed. Funny! Ha, what manipulation.
  • My parents imprinted the idea that I was not smart enough, a little Too different to be accepted by my family or society. 
  • I needed to work hard serve their whims, or my husband's whims at a moment's notice.
  • All of my uniqueness was laughed at and made fun of, and made me feel like an outcast unless i could serve them selflessly in some way. I feel disposable and I have allowed myself to be used by men & women. Mom & Dad in their sick twisted life, family dynamic.
  • I have undersold myself in my values around money working too cheap, allowing myself to be manipulated & taken advantage of.
  • I still feel like I don't belong and that I'm weird sometimes. But its passing.
  • My family set up my feeling as though I couldn't make it alone without them, when in reality I have been the strong bond that has held this family afloat and together all these years. Also I bought my home, ran my business and paid my own way without their input.


What are the results of your Transformations regarding your family Masks/Trances?

  • The Trance that is dissolving now is that Soul is not allowing me to be manipulated into supposed good Biz opportunities  or supposed, "Hey this relationship is beneficial.  See me razzle, dazzle you, trick you."  Soul is now a detective.
  • Soul is expressing and flowing with discernment, true internal investigation as to these new energies or old energies in truth and plenty of light, allowing them to flow while being witnessed through the higher God self.
  • No more just jumping into any new energy with wild abandon without a good internal investigation through Soul & the discernment of Source & guides. 
  • Soul is really tuned into is this new perspective. She asks now for patience while the energies are at play. She says, "Witness for a while how they dance, how they feel. Is it true? Is it truth? Soul's truth? or just another trance game to play." This is so that Everyday Self doesn't jump on the first feeling of feel-good, fitting- in, being liked by false ideas of what love and acceptance truly are. No false illusions of what happiness is, or how it feels from the old dance trances.
  •  She asks, "Is this person or thing or job or whatever draining your creativity, trying to manipulate it for their personal gain?"
  •  She asks, "Is this person, place or thing bringing you closer to your Soul's true happiness, purpose & elevation or driving me in the other direction, away from connection and Source, purpose and elevation for self and others.
  • These past few weeks have intensely contained these new seeds of truth and recognition, and discernment.
  • What Everyday Self thought would be the Mecca of happiness, what she wanted for years under the old veils and trances, once washed through the lens of God self-reveal the illusion and false hood from the years of experience in the trance dance.
  • Now awakened true happiness, connection, and the experience of Love and acceptance look and feel very different Now!
  • Soul Source  IS Liv Avtar Kaur riding and flowing through these energies now understanding  through the lens of God. All is not what it seems. We are One only in the way that we are all experiencing this same dance together.  However she says very clearly we must rise in unison and experience ourselves as God in Unison, Oneness for peace harmony and resurrection into the One.

 Copyright:  Liv Avtar Kaur, Soul Answer, 2014, 

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The Fallacy of Self Imposed Perfectionism 

 By Rachel 

                My earliest memory of my mother is of her spilling a box of sewing pins onto the floor. We had just moved into our new house, and I still recall the chaos of boxes and cramped spaces. What is important about this memory is the feeling that those pins scattered on the floor and my mother’s rage that followed was my fault. I know now that her mental illness factored into not only her reaction, but her subsequent assignment to me of responsibility for her happiness. I had saved her from a life of depression and abuse, she would later tell me. That, coupled with the walking-on-eggshells life I lead with her, knowing that any small mistake, any look of discomfort or distaste, would send her into a tirade, set the responsibility for keeping peace in the household squarely upon my shoulders. It is a burden I struggle to release to this day.

                One of the central struggles in my life is that there simply isn’t enough time to get it all done. I realize that’s not uncommon, especially in a culture focused on competition, manifest destiny, success, and survival of the fittest. While my spiritual values contradict this, while I WANT to believe that life doesn’t operate in that way, our culture simply does. Recent developments in my life, including divorce and the ensuing financial struggle, and most recently becoming part of a blended family and raising children I never expected, have multiplied that feeling. What I’ve learned is that’s what life does….it takes a belief you have – however flawed – and it elaborates it throughout your life until you reach a point where that belief is tested. The fact is I’m at that point with this belief…the belief that I must do and do and do and put checks in boxes and succeed at this and that.

                During our Adventure Class, Siri-Gian was kind enough to guide me through an exploration of this belief with Soul. And as is usually the case, Soul responded as if she’d been sitting there on the patio with me all along, part of the conversation. When I asked what is actually required of me, her response was, “Nothing.” And just to “BE.” Soul elaborated….that I’d been invited to this Earthly land to experience its joy and to become more of who I am. I also got the sense that I should forgive myself for the years I’ve spent trying to accomplish and achieve and the time that took away from living in joy and love. All that I must do, now that Soul and I have had that conversation, is, well, nothing. Just to be. It seems so simple in the face of what seems like a complex set of demands from the world. But I think the more time I spend in Soul reviewing this requirement to just “be,” the more of a habit it will become.

                Soul also emphasized that I cannot “fix” anyone, certainly not my mother. People will disapprove with me, argue, even attack me. But they are distracted, Soul says, from the real problem, which lies within themselves. So, the first step is to not take these attacks personally. If I’m willing, Soul says I can take it a step further and employ compassion, gently moving the conversation/interaction to shift their focus from me to what their real struggle is. I have actually had an occasion or two to do this with my mother. It’s not easy, but it’s happened successfully before.

                I’ve spent a lot of years concerned about what others think, a concern firmly rooted in my striving for my mother’s approval in an attempt to escape her violence. But EDS (“everyday self” which is a catch-all phrase for ego, emotions, conditioning, etc.) ran away with the belief that this is even possible – to gain another’s approval…because that conversation takes place within the other person. It has nothing to do with me, but many other factors and beliefs in that person’s life. It’s incredibly freeing to realize that the search for approval was so misplaced, that asking others for this is a real folly.

                It’s a paradigm shift for me, altering this belief. I’ve spent so much of my life revolving around insolating myself from criticism and disapproval. My grounding has to move to within myself. I also understand that I cannot be grounded in requirement, meaning, it will not do to shift the things I believe others require of me to requiring them of myself. But I must follow Soul’s guidance to simply “be.” I think the only way to tackle it is to just start and to start small. It actually took a while to identify what my first attempt would look like. So, I chose Saturday morning, which I usually spend cleaning, catching up on lectures, making the house just so, and of course, exercising. Coincidentally, my partner had to work on Saturday, so I had the morning to myself until my step children would arrive around lunch time. I started off by sleeping in. Then, I made myself a big, yummy breakfast and had an extra cup of coffee with some extra creamer and caught up on my DVR shows. I didn’t clean, exercise, or do laundry or grade papers or catch up on my news casts. I did just what I wanted. But part of the experiment, I told myself, was also to feel no guilt about the day. It did come up a couple of times, but each time it did, I reminded myself of the spirit of this experiment, and it worked well.

                A few days have passed, and now it’s as if everything is sort of leveled out, like a building has crashed to the ground, like water seeking its level. What I require of myself when I wake up most days now is that I feel good and enjoy myself. I don’t always make it there, but even if I can catch myself thinking thoughts of criticism of myself or pressure to do specific things, I have a conversation with Soul about it and return to that level place. When those thoughts occur now, I tend to replace them with focusing on my health (physical and metaphysical) and caring for myself. Interestingly, I find more pockets of time in the day to go for a walk or read a book or watch a scandalous TV show! It’s kind of fun so far. I also find that I’m not as tired throughout my days. When I am, I give myself room to do less and to rest some. That may mean just taking a walk around the building at work to take a few breaths. But it’s certainly more than I allowed myself before. 


 You might also like to read the article "Daughters Get Done In!" .



Copyright:  Siri-Gian Kaur Khalsa for Rachel,  , 2014

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April 29, 2014 

We have wonderful folks who are taking the 3 year Soul Answer Healer’s course with me.  Right now, the first year healers have just finished our course on “Listening to our Divine Guides,” where they deeply listen to Guru Ram Das, Yogi Bhajan, Baba Siri Chand and Divine Mother—Adi Shakti, Mother Planet.   Then, each week the students answer a quiz on what that they have just studied or experienced.

This past week, Mother spoke so directly and personally to each student healer in ways that each one deeply experienced her incredibly cozy and fulfilling love that brought so much healing.  And now, the following communication from Mother by way of Liv Avtar Kaur is how Mother speaks when she is talking not only to an individual, but also to a larger audience, to us.  And even though Mother is talking specifically to Liv Avtar Kaur, please take Mother’s words to your own heart.

You will see the quiz questions with Mother’s answers.  I am reproducing this because this knowledge applies to every individual “Hu-man,” which is how Yogi Bhajan described us humans—“Hu” meaning Light, and “Man” (pronounced Mun) meaning mind.  Just know that Mother is talking directly to YOU!


Describe Adi Shakti's "vibrational signature."  Are there any shades of difference between Adi Shakti, Mother Planet, Mother Nature, and Divine Mother?


No, for I am all that.

Your experience of my essence is the shades you speak of.  It may come through subtly different however the essence the Divine creation of this planet, you and every being is all me.

I am all shades of matter.

I am the Air you breathe.

I am the Fire that warms you.

I am the Water that nourishes every cell of your being.

I Am Mother Earth that grounds your experience of being " Hu Man.”

I am the Ethers, the very essence of your Soul, our Union.

I am the Creation.  And you allow for creation to keep evolving and flowing through your Hu Man experience of me.

This is the yolk in action. The egg is many things; it our intention as to what it becomes—a  baby chick or protein to sustain.  You are an active part of all creation.  It is all intention and creation.

I have come forth to create through all beings, an evolution of this creation centered in Love and the knowing of me that is fully expressing through all.

A new planetary awareness—Soul, fully engaged in intention and creation.


What is your relationship with Her?  Listen to Her describe it to you.


You are my Child, my creation.

I Love you.

She is the great Balancer. She says, and I quote, “A Divine merger into my Soul’s Divine Feminine, a balancing of the Male Warrior energies.”

She says we are bringing her forth to balance nature , to re-balance ether’s constructs of the world around us.  The governments, military, industries, banking systems, these are all out of balance.  She is coming through all to rebalance and ground the feminine in all constructs .

The male and female are out of balance in all things.

They must be balanced in Love and Knowledge of what this essence is, what Hu Man is.

She says she is balancing my warrior male energies and I am to fully merge with her to walk this planet as this Yoked Union with her to live, breathe and teach this Consciousness, to heal simply by being a Light, without the imprints of culture, society or constructs.

My Soul came through this world to be her in this incarnation, a walking living breathing Divine Mother to all through presence and example.


How does She say She will help you facilitate healing?


She says she will facilitate healing through me by Presence, for me to fully embody her, for we are one.

The choice was made long ago. It is in this time for this seed to grow and birth.

I am a seed-bearer birthing her Divineness through me.

A simple way of just being present, walking, a gesture, a look.

Breathing , living every moment from the heart projecting love, kindness, forgiveness.

A Hu Woman, a full expression of Adi Shakti in form.

She says my Soul is shear Presence, for when we yoke, this is all that is needed.

She will be me in whatever healing needs to flow through.  It will be delivered in the way that Soul, who has come forth needs (to deliver it).  My Soul needs to simply be fully yoked, Present.  Then all will come through with Divine love and compassion, deep knowing for their Souls so they will awaken to their truth as Soul as Hu Man.

I bear the gift of healing through awakening their awareness.

The gentle Mother’s wake-up call is an embrace of love and compassion, a new beginning for all.

For judgments are of the mind. They are not mine.  We will clear these misunderstandings with Divine Adi Shakti energies and loving presence for no ignorance, hate, or destruction may be in my presence. They will not be able to be in the Divne Mother’s frequency.  All these matters will simply dissipate and fall away allowing for the New Birth of this New Earth experience.


Know Adi Shakti deeply in the center of your Being.  What does that feel like?


Home.... Divine Love....Divine Knowing....Divine acceptance.....Divine creation.....

Soul feels bubbling like effervescent bubbles all through my physical body.  I actually feel her cellularly.  I feel her in every cell of my being and my body starts bubbling, sparking, vibrating and that is moving from within these cells though the body, and lately moving out of my body as a noticeable vibratory electrical buzzing.  It feels so wonderful, like bathing in bubbly champagne!

Soul feels her in the ethereal realms as all-encompassing, pinkish loving.  Holding the space, the energy for the flow of her, she feels so like being home with all The Divine Council.

A Motherly womb for my Soul’s growth, union and delivery of her Consciousness.

Soul actually feels like I’m in her womb when meditating and vibrating with her energies as they flow.

On a physical realm, the experience of her is that all 5 human senses are very heightened and aware.

Trees actually are vibrating to the point my eyes cans see them—birds and animals a well.  So wonderful, my ears are able to understand the sounds on a different level.  They are speaking to us.  Hearing people’s Souls speak and be able to tune out the layer of minutia that is vibrating on the top.

Really, truly able to hear on a deeper level.  Smells are different too, becoming more sensitive to fake smells that are not natural.

Oh, and I can’t seem to drink enough water.  Whooo!

My body really is craving everything green, so funny.  I’m drinking a lot of green shakes and eating pounds of salads.  She likes these.

A deeper understanding that the way my soul moves plays and vibrates in this world must be in flow and creation with her. There is no need to seek outside me.

Simply my Soul must create these new paradigms of experience through Adi Shakti

The container is me.  So my Soul must create the container in the world to house the birth.  There is nowhere else to go to find what my Soul is thirsty for.  I must create it through Divine Mother for many will come seeking her.


What does Divine Mother have to give you now?


She offers this.

A release of pain and suffering that Soul came through to experience, especially surrounding the pain of past lives—Mother’s experience.

My mothers of last lives were weak.  I came to be my own mother in union with Adi Shakti to finally release these pains, memories, and energetic imprints.

To BE the Divine Mother that my mothers were not.  To deeply understand, to see all facets of these energies and to release, transcend and merge with her.

For she said clearly I am Adi Shakti, the spiritual warrior.


The Warrior energy that is regenerated and healed with loving kindness.

The Warrior who comes in Love, Peace, and Divine merger.

She says, “The alchemy of the perfected balance of male and female. We are the Balancing Rod of energy. WE are the change makers, the love calibrators, and we will rise in this manner--through heart-centered love and compassion.   For what man may gaze upon, the Divineness of their Mother, they may not fight, betray or anger.  Not one. “

The answer is through opening of their hearts filling with love and knowledge of the truth that We Are All One...


Published with permission from Liv Avtar Kaur, New Orleans, LA.

Copyright:  Liv Avtar Kaur, , 2014

You may publish this article in print or online as long as you keep this copyright large and closely associated with the article.

You can easily print out this article at 

And you can check out the archive of all these past articles at


Sada Nam Kaur, 9-18-12

Our TeleTalk with Baba Siri Chand this week has been a real eye opener!  (  Sept. 12, 2012)

Lucinda, our lovely member who has been incarcerated for the last two years due to being wrongfully accused is at last out of jail.  We are so very grateful!  She shared with us her sometimes very terrifying experience there, and how her heart breath actually fended off violent attacks!  Please listen to this recording to hear all that she told us.  It really opened our eyes and our hearts.Then Baba Siri Chand gave us much more “food for thought and transformation.”  That is we are re-training our minds so that we can open them to the actual experience of the Divine.  Here is what one of our members, Sada Nam Kaur, also called Ma Nithya Atma expressed as a result on our Soul Answer Group Facebook page.  Lots of really good stuff and support gets shared there—terrific members!  Here is what she related:What an inspiring teletalk this morning hearing Lucinda speak of her experience. Was grateful for the idea that we are reconstructing our structure so it can house our Soul. Wonderful ideas poured through while the talk continued. Since returning from Nepal/Tibet, it has felt like the puzzle pieces of my life do not fit anywhere anymore. So hearing how our structure is being reconstructed and how this is happening was comforting.Here is what I heard:  “Our patterns make the formation of the puzzle pieces of our lives. During reconstruction, when these patterns fall away, there is a feeling of formlessness. This pure space is actually the space of unlimited potential, but the mind wants desperately to find form again and only remembers the old patterns and then tries to fit things together again like working a puzzle.” The real big hit with this realization is that all this is imagination.  It is happening in the mind alone.  So this process of fitting the puzzle together again will never actually happen and is not even really happening. This structure will never hold Soul as long as it is viewed from the 5 senses or physical space alone--the contained space of security.  Everyday self may want this so, but the structure is fluid and always changing from/shape.  It is accessed through meditation which can include a lot of just silent sitting with one’s self.  When everyday self understands this, it is easier to experience our simplicity. “Love your simplicity.”   It gets complicated when our ingrained patterns build the structure.  This is what life is until we have the courage to live life beyond patterns.  As these fall away, we experience the empty, clear, open, space.  This is where we can’t freak out.  Ultimately we even have to go beyond find form again and only remembers the old patterns and then tries to fit things together again like working a puzzle. The real big hit with this realization is that all this is imagination. It is happening in the mind alone. So this process of fitting the puzzle together again will never actually happen and is not even really find form again and only remembers the old patterns and then tries to fit things together again like working a puzzle. The real big hit with this realization is that all this is imagination. It is happening in the mind alone. So this process of fitting the puzzle together again will never actually happen and is not even really happeni



Sept. 18, 2012

From Hari Jiwan Singh's wonderful story about Yogi Bhajan.  Used with permission.  To get Hari Jiwan's regular remembrances of Yogi Bhajan, please contact him at

Sat Nam Dear Family,

“You all want to be normal, look normal, but that’s not what makes you special,” the Siri Singh Sahib said to a group of us having dinner one late afternoon in October of 1987. I couldn’t figure out what prompted his statement as we had just seen the movie “The Princess Bride” in Westwood. We walked down the street to an Italian restaurant where the deep dish pizza was always fantastic. “Take it from me, the more anyone wants to blend in, the less they understand about the working of this universe.”

The Master’s statement was nothing new; we’d heard it many times over the years. What was different was that his statement tweaked a response from someone in our group. He’d often provoke one person in a group by speaking to the group as a whole. This is how he would teach in a non-confrontive manner to an individual.

As if on cue, a relatively new student who had joined our group asked, “Sir, could you please tell me what you mean?” “Well,” he said, “this world is made up of people who want to be accepted. That’s normal. If you want to be special, it’s necessary that you stand out. When you’re special, you blend in with a special crowd. In our Dharma it’s called Sangat. In the world, your virtue is what distinguishes special people. So, by wanting to be normal and accepted, you pervert your chance of being special. If you want to be a leader, you have to be extra special which means that you stand out even more. If your presence doesn’t speak for you, really, nothing will.” “Can’t you be special and be normal?” She quarried. “You can fake it, and many do,” he answered. “But, if you are real, you are not normal.”

She had a blank look on her face. I could see that she didn’t fully “get it.” Another student looked up from his pizza and tried to explain what the Master meant. “He means that this world is not what you think. What we typically seek for happiness turns ephemeral, short lived.” The Master broke in, “You want wealth, you want to be sexy, and you want to be appreciated. O.K., you can get it if you have the correct discipline. But, what are you getting? Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing wrong with acquiring what this world has to offer, but if you want more to go along with it, then the rules change. If you want to be special, you must follow the guidelines of something more special, Infinity.”

This conversation was getting heavy. The new student questioned again, “What do you mean by following Infinity?” Now, all heads in our group were raised and focused directly on our Master, “Infinity, God, whatever you want to call it. There are different rules for serving Him (or, He, She, It, as he often referred to God.) If you’re a Christian, you must show compassion, love; If you’re a Jew, you must follow the law; if you’re a Muslim, humility is your manner; If you’re a Sikh, you must give, serve. “Yes, compassion, rules, humility and service are a part of all religions, but each particular reflection of Infinity has a different primary focus. If you want to be special, you should follow the rules of your chosen path. In other words, if you want to be special and you’re a Sikh, you must serve. You must serve as the Guru instructs, not as you wish. So, if you’re only a part of this mundane world, you’ve left the depth of the subtle world aside. This is not the rules of the Guru’s way. It a tragedy that you are not playing God’s game in its fullness. It’s mostly your own personal game and that’s what you have to watch out for. That’s what I mean by the trap of wanting to be normal. It’s nice to be accepted, but it’s divine to be accepted in Guru’s court.”

The table was silent. I could consciously hear the patter of voices at other tables; I could hear the clang of plates being carried off; I could see the bustle of patrons coming and going. I remember this because it was a surreal experience. Our table looked like a collective meditation party with everyone staring straight ahead as if we were all daydreaming. It was no daydream; it was a process of augmenting the truth into the consciousness again. Yes, we had heard this many times, but each time it truly hit home a little deeper.

Most of our Master’s older students had overcome the need to look, act, and speak normally. After all, our Bana, our outward appearance, mandated this.  But, that was just an outward trick on our journey towards truly believing we were special. His description was another opportunity for us to focus on how much we were living it or faking it. Faking it is fine if it leads to believing it. So, everyone sat for a minute or so in contemplation of who they were and where they were at. As heads slowly dropped to focus on food again, the Master spoke, “Did you see in the movie how Prince Humperdinck had to change his actions and follow the rules of royalty in order to save Princess Buttercup and save the Kingdom. This is what made him special and worthy. He followed a higher set of rules.” So, this is what had prompted his first statement. He used everything as a Teaching tool and movies were easy to follow. He loved to teach through stories, it’s very powerful. Anyway, he was right again and he made it so simple to understand. Stay tuned,

In the Humility of Service and Gratitude,

MSS Hari Jiwan Singh Khalsa


 Non-Attachment Heals the Holidays!

By Atma Karam Kaur

Dec. 21, 2011

I am discovering how non attachment works for me. 

This time of year can be really stressful for folks.  My family knows the buttons to push to get family members to react.  I spoke with my sister Jane yesterday.  She helped my parents get back home yesterday.  When I spoke with her, she had enough of my Dad.  Dad is in one of his moods of being very critical and controlling. 

I ended up going out to lunch with Mom and Dad and that was quite an experience!  I had a lot of fun.  Jane had clued me into how dad was.  He even called me on the phone (unusual for him, he tends to think we should call him).  It was very easy for me, I have never done anything right in his eyes (or to correctly put it, he has always criticized), so why start now!  That takes much pressure off! 

Much drama going on and Dad likes to manipulate and use guilt etc.  It does not work too well on me now.  It is not that I do not care, I just know that all I can do is the best that I can in each minute and I make plenty of mistakes along the way and those mistakes are great learning tools.  It also helps that I am just a maker of mischief.  

I was having fun while talking to the parents as they were getting into their van after lunch.  I was stomping on the crunchy snow (much more fun than popping those bubbles in packaging material).  It felt cool--the noise and the crunchy
feeling.  Mom commented that I would never grow up, which is true!  I have too much fun looking at life with child-like wonder. 

I went to the store with them and had fun texting my sister Jane, and it is just plain fun!  I could be judgmental and get aggravated by their behavior, or I can have the adventure of the lifetime and just find ways to amuse myself and have fun no matter where I am or what surrounds me. 

My Birthday as y’all know is Monday, and Dad was wanting me to come and do some stuff such as finding their Christmas tree and decorating it since as a child we did that on my birthday and not before.  My parents did make sure there was something special about my birthday and that we could not put up the Christmas tree until Dec. 20th

Dad also let me know that he would make a list for me for work to do around their house for the next 2 weeks.  I let him know that I would think upon the list.  It did not take him long to realize that that was all I was going to do.  So, it was very amusing to have things come up and not react and just play along with him. 

I will help them if I can but it will not be out of guilt or to please him.  It will be because I want to.  They are so funny when I approach the whole thing from neutral mind.  He was an engineer when he worked, and that kind of preciseness is fun to play with.  Life is becoming more and more fun!  I tend to wing it with loose plans nowadays since that works best for me.  That does not always go over well with some family members who have been trained as engineers. 

The fun has begun in just being me and having a blast since I am not buying into the drama around me but observing it, and sending heart breath, and I do have lots of compassion!  Everyone has their own path and lesson to learn.  I do care very deeply about others and can help them in my own way.  They have their own stuff to do and learn, and I cannot do it for them.  And also I do not have that level of knowledge or skills, so I just send love, listen and then have so much fun being child-like! 

Sat Nam,

Atma Karam

Copyright Atma Karam Kaur, , 2010.