Relationship Central!

Is Your Relationship Going Stale?

September 16, 2008

Dear Ones,

When relationship goes stale, what do you do next? Are you out the back when commitment from your long time partner is not in the offing? When sand hills build up into mountains between you both over time, do you start looking for new territories to discover? When he's not "perfect" in every way you can think of, do you feel really let down and consider shunning him?

Well, of course the answer is not the same for everybody. So, please never accept any pat answers--ever! Your Soul is your ultimate Guide! (Click here and here to learn how to tune into your Soul's direction.) But here are some ideas that you might like to give some thought to.

Some complaints about relationships can be that he no longer engages in supportive conversation or joint spiritual practice--not touching each other's depth; his attention is elsewhere; she seems closed and unreachable. In any case, these leave the relationship dry, no juice is flowing and the partners feel drained and dead in this most important area of their life.

It seems that each one's misunderstandings and differing ways of interacting with the World creep into a once bright and hopeful relationship to cloud it. When those differences build with no resolution in sight, the walls go up and the lights dim. You wind up with a shell of a relationship that may feel itchy, or perhaps even toxic to deal with.

The problem is that hearts are not meant to be a sacrifice. They are meant to be open, not closed. Hearts are what engender the Whole of Life. And not having your heart flow can feel like a slow death.

So, the first point is, healing is in order! But don't misunderstand. The healing starts with the one who wants it--not in trying to change the other person. It means that you are first looking for access to your own Soul, to letting your Juice fly, to being really Who you are! You can never ask anyone else to do that for you, and you can't blame anyone else because you are not expanding. That is up to each individual to take charge of the Great Expansiveness within themselves.

So, first get on board with your Soul! Feel it, love it, enjoy that very most precious of relationships! Your Soul, your God Self is the real source of your Juice, your beauty, your effervescence! Use your Sadhana--your daily spiritual practice, try constantly repeating a great mantra for change, do something you love doing-- perhaps hiking in the wilderness, snuggling with your kids, creating art through sound, painting, sculpture, poetry and so on. Get out of your own cage! Take responsibility for yourself rather than blaming the relationship.

Next, begin to unearth the depth between you. Once you are truly, fully enmeshed in your own Soul's Light, then while staying within that precious Energy, relate to your partner's Soul. Oh, yes, you can do it! Start by doing it in mediation. Extend the energy of your heart to the other person--both in mediation on your own, and then try doing this together--relating through your Soul to the other person's Soul, using your long deep breath to power that precious Energy and see what happens! And also do this when you are front and center with them in your everyday life. Try heart breath all the time! It is truly a miracle worker for you and for your partner.

Do everything to become courageous so you can talk from your hearts with each other. Listen to your partner's feelings, their anguish, their hopes, happinesses and their fears and respect that. Humans are amazingly complex. See their life from their own viewpoint. Honor this gift called a relationship enough to be honest, open, balanced and non-judgmental with one another.

Forgiveness is the way to heal wounds--not saying that the offense was OK, but so you can let go of the recurring hurt which then allows you to heal. And be sure to express yourself to them fully, with heart and without demands or blame as well. Look for occasions to help each other, including opportunities to soften and trim your own ways to better support your partner and most importantly your relationship. Make a regular habit of this, even if you need to keep regular dates with each other to be sure it happens.

And you can try repeating the amazing prayers that help turn these relationships around, or even attract a relationship--Adi Shakti for your lady partner and So Purkh for your man. Do them 11 times per day and watch for results! Or Mera Man Lochai for connection with your Beloved-whether that is with your Soul or the beloved Essence of your mate. And for a miracle-any miracle, try Dhan Dhan Ram Das Guru 11 times per day. All of these tap into the Universal Mind sound current that creates Creation. You too can participate in this extraordinary flow!

However, my Dears, if you have tried all this, but your spouse has contracted the dread and ingrained habit of abuse towards yourself and/or your children, this is the time that Yogi Bhajan said that you should depart. You must stand for the worth of yourself and your sweet little ones and not participate in that degradation. Be Who you are, the Light of Life!

However, my Dears, if you have tried all this, but your spouse has contracted the dread and ingrained habit of abuse towards yourself and/or your children, this is the time that Yogi Bhajan said that you should depart. You must stand for the worth of yourself and your sweet little ones and not participate in that degradation. Be Who you are, the Light of Life!

In any case, relationships are outrageous situations! They don't often seem to allow that coasting on great high feelings that so many of us expect from a relationship at the beginning. They offer challenges in which we get to face ourselves and our own shortsighted expectations. We get to plumb our depths to merge with our own brilliant Soul and find the same in the other person. They give us the opportunity to seek and create profound coziness. That is where God lives, you know! Don't forget, we're looking for One Soul in two bodies. That takes heaps of patience, and way deep respect, plus dropping our limiting expectations and then pile on oh, so much unconditional love! That's it, my Sweet Ones.

Train yourself to participate in the reality of Love at every moment, no matter what. That's what relationships are for! And if the relationship is over, that is no excuse to drop out of love with your own Great Self, your Soul. After all, that's when you really need that Greatest of Relationships more than ever!

Letter to a Potential Suicide Victim

Written on June 12, 2017

Dear One,

I am so sorry that you are having this trouble, Dear!

But it is now up to you to change your whole being. When you have had enough pain, depression, heart ache, and more, the most effective thing to do is to change yourself, which is absolutely possible if you put your whole attention and will power into it.

Otherwise, I cannot wave a magic wand and take your trials from you. Your trials are your own very sacred challenges that you and your Soul cooked up before you came into a human body for the sake of meeting those challenges and essentially changing yourself out of their grip so that you can open to your innate peace, calm, and loving from Soul, your true Self!

You see, what happens is that taking on all those gnarly feelings of having been hurt, bereft, overburdened, lost, unloved/hated/separated, etc. have left you with a habit of understanding your life as a victim. All of these difficulties—and I am not denying how terrible they have been, have been built up as your identity. The script of each incident is stored in an energy packet in and around your body, rather as though they are on DVDs, but actually they are stored in your body’s energy. And when an incident occurs that is similar to the earlier trauma—whether from this life, a past life or even ancestors, it plays out again and takes over your whole body, emotions and mind.

But you see, we identify ourselves according to our reactions. And the conglomeration of all these difficult energy recordings of past awful events has become your identity. You identify as a victim. And you continue to victimize yourself with these recurring thought processes which control your whole outlook, your whole life. Your life really becomes like a hamster’s exercise wheel. Your continual running in that victim consciousness actually magnetizes yet more terrible “adventures” or situations to you.

So, at this point, you can either take the coward’s way out and extinguish the life force in your body. But then you have to continue to deal with that hurt and heaviness in future lifetimes until you solve it. So, you see, you just put off doing your own divine healing work. Why not save some lifetimes of time and get started now? Believe me, it is all up to you, Dear. Choose any path you want. But your challenges will always be there waiting for you until you, with your free will finally give up and begin your own self-healing.

Now this mechanism of victim identity that rules your psyche, emotions and body right now can actually be changed/transformed by you! You have done good work with this in our healing session and afterwards when you were listening to the recording of our session. And as these packets of stored victimization are dissolved and given back to the Universe for recycling, rather like clouds clearing or pulling the curtains back to see and experience the bright sun, you then create access to the innate peace and Self-love that are naturally present in you all the time. That is sometimes called the Light of your Soul.

So, Dear, if you want to take this on, this is what you need to do:

· Understand deeply that this victim identity and all that is associated with it does not serve you well. Although it may get you attention, it does not give you what you really, really want—love and peace. But you would need to want to change that victim identity so much that you are truly willing to give it up! This means having the courage to change out of who you think you are now, and allowing yourself to go into that neutral consciousness of not knowing who you are, to allow yourself to experience the adventure of actually finding Who you really are! It is a relaxed treasure hunt based on close observation of change within yourself as you constantly do the following practices and retrain your mind, rather than being a victim of it!

Now you can always pull back the victim identity, but why would you do that? Because it is a habit, or that is how you see yourself and relate to others and the world around you, and although being a victim is so hard, you might feel that it is harder to change to allow the peace of your True Self to emerge. It is all up to you and the strength of your free will. If you are really into changing, you will definitely find strong support and help “from above.” But be clear, the onus or responsibility is on you.

· This is how you dissolve those energy packets of information:

Watch your mind and emotions very, very carefully. Whenever a negative thought or difficult emotion pops up, immediately begin Heart Breath, www.SoulAnswer.com/heart_breath.html . Do it strong and deep. Use this for several purposes:

o To quickly distract yourself from that victim energy packet taking you over. It is that recurring play out of the victim energy packet with its powerful cascade or repeating litany of terrible thoughts, fears and memoires that is giving you grief, not the actual event.

o Put yourself completely in God’s hands, knowing that you cannot do this alone. Demand that God take this awful continual victim re-run from you for recycling, and then don’t hang onto it even for a mili-second! “Let go and let God!”

o Continue doing your very deep Heart Breath as you actually feel the location of that activated victim energy packet. Then direct the healing energy that is coming from your heart as you do Heart Breath to that victim energy packet, or as Yogi Bhajan called it, that Trance.

o Now as you direct the energy of Heart Breath to that actual Trance, also begin to send pure forgiveness from the healing Heart Breath energy. You cannot do this with your mind, because your mind will get tangled up with repeating its same old stories, thus stopping the healing action. When you neutrally send this energetic forgiveness to that Trance, which includes the event, the perpetrator, and even yourself and your Soul, that Trance or energy packet begins to dissolve. Remember that this forgiveness does not say that the hurtful event or person was OK, or that you are letting the perpetrator off the hook. No, the perpetrator will definitely face their own return karmas. We are not in control of that, but leave that up to the Universe. Rather the purpose of this deep neutral forgiving is to dissolve the bonds or active machinery of that repeating Trance from being triggered or taking us over again. This deep, neutral forgiving is for us, so that we won’t be forever haunted by these non-ending thoughts, hurts and people again. It frees us!

Continue this action until you feel that the Trance is clear and no longer has a grip over you—this is the Key to your healing. Healing is dissolving all of these old programs that automatically self-victimize you. In this way, you free yourself from being jerked around all the time by these nasty, recurring attacks from your own consciousness.

· I want to be clear that you are not avoiding or repressing these recurring nasties, but you are actually dissolving the source of them, like breaking an old vinyl record so it can’t play again.

· Also, please learn the mantra Gobinday, Mukunday, Udaray, Aparay, Hariang, Kariang, Nirnamay, Akamay. You can see all about it at www.SoulAnswer.com/gobinde.html . This has helped me out so very many times. You can get a recording of it at www.SpiritVoyage.com and play it all the time.

So, Dear, if you reply to me that this is all well and good, but that you don’t have the strength to do, this is too hard in light of all your responsibilities that continue to rob you of your Life Force, and so on. That to me that means that you don’t have the will to put in the strong hard work that goes into clearing and healing oneself. “You can lead a horse to water, but you can’t make it drink.”

It is up to you, Dear! Here is your challenge and how to march through it systematically for the course of the rest of your life. You can decide to make a real dedicated habit of healing yourself, or you can continue to get lost in your own self-victimization. I pray that you thoughtfully and with determination dive into this head first to cure yourself! If you do this faithfully, I guarantee that your life will change for the better over time, that you will find that you have so much more insight and wisdom, and that as you self-heal, you will increasingly be able to help others with the same afflictions. But in the last analysis, it is you who have to truly decide to become the expert and put in the hard effort!

I know that you can do it, because you were able to heal and neutralize the energy packets around your brother’s taking his own life as you listened to the recording of our healing session. This is what healing feels like and acts like. And there are so many layers to every event that impact us and so need healing.

But keeping up with this is the only way that I know to finally neutralize this victim thing, and finally feel some upliftment, peace and satisfaction.

You can read more about healing at my new website www.SoulAnswerHealing.com , as well as take advantage of lots of helpful articles at www.SoulAnswer.com/wisdom_marketplace.html

You have my prayers and healing Heart Breath, Dear! “Keep up and you will be kept up!”

Lots of Love,

Siri-Gian